The Northwest trip Volume five

I had many reasons for wanting to take a trip to the northwest. There were places on the way that I wanted to see. My son was in Canada and I wanted to visit and meet his partner. I also had a friend on Van cover Island that I wanted to visit. I traveled with a friend, Sheila, who wanted to go to Seattle to take a flight to the Orient so as to teach English as a second lesson. Delilah had no reason but had to go anyway.
The trip started well, we spent a few days at Canyon lands, http://www.pbase.com/koyote11/trip_to_the_northwest
Somewhere in Utah, things got terribly wrong. Sheila and I had a shootout fight. Delilah responded by going ballistic. At its worst we were stopped late at night getting a snooze but Delilah got into one of her moods where she wanted out and get free from us. No matter what I did, she wanted freedom, she take any direction as long as it was away from me and the car. It was a dark night and I was suffering from severe sleep deprivation and my mood was sinking low. Meanwhile all she did was pull on the leash with the constant meow. Finally, in a moment of rage, I let go of the leash, saying fuck you, go, I can’t stand you anymore. In a moment she was gone. I just stood there stun, for an endless moment. Finally I came to my senses and ran after her. Fortunately, she hadn’t gone far, but I knew she knew the secret of my strength and I felt guilty for allowing a loss of control.
The mood was tense till we got to Seattle and Sheila and I departed from each other. However, things remained stress because of the incidents at the Canadian border. I was totally unprepared for the interrogation I received from the border guards there. They had a report on me that went back over fifty years. I did something during my teen age years that I had long forgotten. Somehow my sons name got into the equation and I had fears that I might have jeopardized his stay there. I worried about that for over a year. For the entire time I was in Canada, I had nightmares of Nick getting into trouble due to things I might have said. It marred the Canadian stay. Meanwhile Delilah was acting at her worst. They had a kitty, Zeta, and Delilah had passionate hatred for her. It was so severe that she even hissed at Leanne who carried the smell of Zeta. Delilah couldn’t come into the house because her attitude was of hate and hissing. Fortunately they had a camper in the back where she stayed the entire trip. One day we all took a hike to the nearby hills, both kitties seemed to be competing on their hiking skills, they made it to the top faster than we did.
They had a pet bird that they were in the process of healing. Delilah was within a hair’s breath of snagging her in mid air leading to more tension.
Our next stop was on Gabriolla . Island just off the main island to visit a friend and spent a week there. Delilah continued her restlessness always wanting to be outside. There was no relief though; being outside didn’t stop her from on going meows. My last night there was particularly annoying, it got so bad, I locked her in the car. She reciprocated by pooping in the car. It wasn’t her finest moment.
Getting back into the country was no problem; they didn’t even look at her. It was the Oregon coast to see the Pacific once again. Unfortunately the coast was bought out by the rich and they didn’t appreciate the likes of me being there trying to find a place to spend the night. What there was cost a fortunate? So each night, I had to drive inland trying to find a deserted road to spend the night. Getting to the beach was difficult. You had to drive through small towns and spend time looking for parking space. Delilah didn’t like the beach at all and didn’t hesitate to let me know. By the California state line, I have had enough of the beach scene in America and decided it was time to go home. Delilah agreed. So I went inland and made the long trek back to Silver City. After being on the road for about 23 hrs, I was close to home so I decided to go the next two hours. However, a lightning storm unlike any I have ever seen scared the hell out of us. It was everywhere and Delilah freaked. The rain started and not long afterwards the roads started to flood. We had to pull over and I couldn’t calm her down. She seems to say that “you pull this shit again; I’m running away and finding a new home”.
For several months, I received thoughts emanated from her. The messages received boiled down to the same theme, “Someday I will be gone, will you rejoice in my freedom or will you grieve your loss. All your life, she seemed to say, you never really enjoyed the highs, always worrying about how life would be if you lost whatever made you high. Whether it was a new drug, love or even your sailboat, in most cases your fear of loss made you numb. I’m here to teach you to love totally even though soon I will be gone.”

Volume four

Silver City, NM

I moved to a house on a corner in downtown Silver City, NM. WWW.pbase.com/koyote11. The house was within ten feet to both paved roads intersecting. One was heavily traveled. My landlord lived next door and he was still moaning the loss of his kitty, the victim of a driver. Moreover, there are two nasty dogs that roam freely after sunset. We did, have a nice backyard offering many backgrounds for her sessions to a nearby stake. My routine was clear, I was responsible to come out periodically and untangle and move her to a new location of her choosing. Despite her brilliance in her ability to find ways to escape, she never learned to untangle herself with the leash. I often find her all wrapped up to the point where she couldn’t move. One time, I found her hanging in mid air from a branch. Fortunately the halter distributed the weight to her waist. There was no place I could put her where she couldn’t get tangled up. She was a master at it. So much so that I found it more exhausting to take her on hikes. Moreover, I could sense that she didn’t really like them. Her world then became indoor/outdoor kitty.
Indoors, she was addicted to being touched. Always the charisma, she sits on my lap and we share a moment watching her experience ecstasy. When she had her fill, her mood change and she was off on some smelling adventure.
Often when I was petting her, my hand would venture too close to her belly, which would signal for play. When I moved around that area, her back legs in unison would kick my hand. The claws were firmly in so there was no pain. This would continue until her mouth got into the action biting the hand, again with no pain. She had spots all around the house and whenever I was looking for her, I do the kitty sound and she usually answers and come out to visit.
Whatever the call, she would suddenly shift. The outdoor beckons, she had little patience. She can be quite the nag in her pursuit of freedom. The leash was hurriedly put on and outside we go. She usually called the shots, choosing a place having the most interesting smells.
In a while I come back out and she be all tangled up. She waited for my presence then came the “poor me” meow. I move her someplace else and she happy again sniffing to her hearts content. This repeated itself throughout the day till she chooses to come in.
There was, however, one problem and that is when she wanted to go out during the night, especially if I was sleeping. It started out the same, the meows. When a couple of them didn’t get my attention, then it was the claw scratching lightly on my nose of cheek. She was very quick; she always eluded my attempt to grasp her, making a mad dash to the door accompanied with constant meowing. Thoughts of the dogs tearing her apart raced through my mind, but in front of me, I was faced with constant barrage of meow.
I had the solution; I picked her up and placed her in the shower stall. The plan failed, she climbed out of the stall and picked up the beat of the meow call and scratching on the bath room door. Occasionally, I hear the nails digging into the door as she attempted to climb it.
It was torture and I was paying a high price. Finally, I said enough, fuck you Delilah, I don’t care if the dogs chew you to bits. Go on get out. I leashed her to the front porch. Instantly, she stopped and I was another look in her eye, one of triumph.
Sometimes she stayed out overnight. Other nights, she would climb up the screen meowing to get back in. She would do this a few nights and then stop and wouldn’t do it again for a month or so. It wasn’t a full moon ritual, it was much more irregular. When it did happen, it was very annoying. She knew how to push my buttons; she knew the secret of my strength.
Delilah was showing that she would stay close if I gave her her freedom. I would regret this decision, but she never seemed to wander in her new freedom, she had a real fear of cars so roads were off limits.
One night, Delilah stayed out all night. Again, that sickly feeling, she was out all night. I panicked; pictures of her lying dead systematically flooded my mind. It didn’t take long before I acted emotionally in response to these mental pictures. I printed up one of those sad lost kitty sign and proceeded putting them up in prominent places. Finally in desperation, I called the pound and that’s where she was. She had gotten into a trap where the pound came and picked her up. She spent the night in the slammer.
There was no look of triumph in her eyes, this time. She was so happy to see me and to get out of jail. She would never be free of the leash again.

Volume Three

It was shortly after the name change that I had a dream where I was Sampson. My light didn’t shine through physical strength; mine was directed towards creative images. My light was so strong that the original image would pale in its light. Everyone I met was mesmerized by my art.

One day, I met a beautiful goddess who was aluft to my glory. I was curious as to why. Every time I would strive to bring her within my aura, she would hide within the shadows. There was always a secret side, something, no matter what, she wouldn’t share. The more I wanted to know, the more she resisted.

Finally, she said her name was Delilah and that she would learn the secret of my strength. I awoke with a cold sweat.




The Leash
It’s impossible to describe the look on Delilah’s face when I put the harness on her. Every limb was in survival in her struggle to be free from it. I had to wrestle it on her, bringing out anger I never seen before, she was hissing at me and threatening with claws open. I learned her look of hatred along with another. When I finally got it on and let her go, it was the look of total disappointment, “how could you do this to me?” Such despair, she collapsed onto her side on the floor and wouldn’t move. It took endless amount of petting to get her to try to get up. Finally she did, took one step and collapsed again, with the same look. Freedom died that day as Delilah was born.

Delilah was introduced to the leash in a National forest. http://www.pbase.com/koyote11/chirachua
The test came when I staked her to a tree. It was sad watching her go over and over again in all directions trying to be free. She would be yanked in mid air and pushed back within her circle of freedom. Finally in exhaustion she sat at the edge of a circle she inscribed on earth. Soon her curiosity gets the best of her and she would get intoxicated with all the smells that a national forest offered.

In short time she was leading us on a trek through the forest in search of new smells. When she tired, I put her in my back pack. However, if she didn’t really want to go there, I would have to contend with four independent claws with the holistic aim of freedom. I usually lose. Fortunately that was rare, most of the time she would rest in the pack and keep a watchful eye out for prey. When she spotted something, she bolted out of the pack with me holding onto the leash in a mad dash after it.

Delilah with her heavy fur coat was no match for the desert sun so I learned the limit of such exercise. Mostly she amused herself at camp along a river, endlessly sniffing within her paradise.

One night, Delilah escaped the confines of our tent. By butting her head repeatedly at the intersection of the three zippers, she was opening a space for escape. The effort paid off, she escaped to freedom. As a rule, I am a very light sleeper to the point of insomnia, but for some karmic reason, I slept soundly till awaken by the rising sun and then discovered that she was gone.

I walked the perimeter of our camp site calling her name. I had a nagging feeling and the question ringing in my head, “what is the secret of my strength?” She was nowhere to be found. I was gripped with panic and I had to fight away images of her being attacked by the many predators inhabiting a national forest. I felt totally helpless.

Then I spotted her. She was sitting quietly not far from the tent waiting patiently in front of a ground hog’s hole. When I got close, she looked at me with a strange look in her eye, one I’ll never forget.

Volume Two

www.pbase.com/koyote11/Delilah.
Delilah was born “Freedom”. Where she lived, the door was always open and she came and went as she pleased. She wasn’t fed much so she became a deadly huntress, capable of killing anything smaller than her, becoming invisible or a mistress of escape to anything that was larger. There were many wild dogs and coyotes everywhere. The desert in the southwest is particularly dangerous for kitties because of the lack of trees to offer safety dens. Her camuflosh fur made her invisible when desired. She loved the wildness of this life yet, she had another side to her.

It has been several years since I was involved romantically with a woman and for whatever reasons, for me the world stopping being a playground for romance. I felt vulnerable towards companionship, so I reasoned that a kitty might take up the slack. A neighbor had a litter so I went to check them out. I was taken by a white male when she entered the scene. She pranced right by me like I was witness to royalty. I picked her up and she instantly started purring. I couldn’t stop petting her. I felt trapped in a symbiotic relation where I petted her and she moved around in ecstasy. Time seemed to stop in this act of physical love. Finally when something moved in the bushes, instantly she became the goddess of the hunt and off she went in pursuit. I had to have this kitty.

Delilah and Me

At that time, I was renting a trailer a block away and together we went to her new home. I kept her in the house for as long as I could stand it, about two days. After a day of sniffing everything, she started to whine to go outside; she let me know that she was very stubborn. Finally after constant nagging, I gave her her freedom and let her run free. It was uncertain whether she comes back, I just had to wait and see. She came back with a mouse in her mouth. She couldn’t understand why I wouldn’t let her and it in the house. I watched from the window what a savage animal I live with. She tortured the poor mouse till nothing was left. She then tossed it away since she wasn’t hungry.




For the short time we lived in Columbus, she had the run of the house and outside. I learned to trust her since she never wandered far from the yard and didn’t cross the dirt road about 100 yds away.

I knew our lives were in for great changes as I was moving to Silver City, NM. Delilah would have to learn about boundaries. Since she would no longer have freedom, I changed her name to Delilah. She was introduced to the Leash.